


Why go on? (SAINW one shot)

by sampsonknight



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Gen, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:38:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6038424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sampsonknight/pseuds/sampsonknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Turtles based on 2k3 version.<br/>Description: This is based on before 2k3 Donnie shows up in SAINW universe. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why go on? (SAINW one shot)

* * *

The wind like any other given day wasn't pleasant by far and was drained of life.

There was no mix of fresh aromas of flowers growing off of balconies, the newly laid down asphalt on the streets below, and especially no alluring mouthwatering flavor of baked pizza, lingering before my sensitive nostrils.

Amongst all, that was absent in this picture was that there wasn't even a hint odor of exhaust, which would have brought the clear familiar sense of home.

I know one would say how would that be even considered a pleasant or comforting scent at all?

It was far enjoyable to bath your sense of smell to, comparable to what truly travel on this cold unforgiving wind.

It was foul and only wrapping its sharp claws around your soul, making you understand fully this world wasn't one you wish to be a part of!

There, overpowering the winds, becoming one, was the repugnant unmistakable stench of old and fresh burnt flesh, thick ash of the past and a hint of gunpowder to hold you there with no escape from what was going on around you.

One didn't need the gift of sight to see the chaos possessed by its gluttony, taking a bite of the big apple.

Oh, how this once glorious city, with its proud skyscrapers, its lively streets with chatter and laughter and citizens who thrived for a better tomorrow, was now nothing more than a graveyard with wandering souls that should have known better to be hidden unless you had a death wish to join the rest of the fallen.

I for one was among many that dare to face the odds; the wave of evil with one slash of my blade at a time, did not hide in fear, and didn't linger in the cracks of the shadows for some savior who didn't exist.

In a past long forgotten, a past that I too have problems remembering how things use to be; I was once a ninja who was perfectly crafted by my master's teachings, now a soulless wanderer trying fruitlessly to rescue this desolated and damn city, that I formerly proudly announced as home.

In my own self-pity, I sat there with one leg dangling off the edge of a place once referred to my second home; staring into the bitter darkness I was caged in.

I could feel everything around me rotting away and nothing about this city or anywhere truly beckoned me home if there was such a place.

Nor did anything entice me to continue on...

Why do I go on?

Why do I foolishly even seek a safe haven to sleep in peace during the moments I need rest for this old weary body? In hopes that no foot guards would come to me when I'm at my weakest and vulnerable to kill me, just to awaken to the same bleak darkness of this unforgiving hell?

How many times do I have to wonder this desolate and hazardous terrain, leaping and weaving about the shadows as some villain prowling for their next victim? To risk my very life to save some foolish human that dared to venture into the city when the Shredder's patrols are doing their never-ending rounds?

Curses! Just only to end with the innocent human more afraid of me than the devilish guards who wouldn't blink in taking their lives, insisting I'm the true horror in this picture show!

They would always resort to screaming like some banshee, swearing and calling for god to save them, and implying in my face, I was some demon from this hell and was only before them to snatch their souls?!

Repulsive I tell you! I understood years ago, humans are fearful towards things they can't understand, but now? After this world crumbled under their very feet, they still see me as the monster and deem redemption from the ones that are the villains?!

How many times do I have to endure this torment! How many times do I need to repeat these events day in and day out, with me ending with sore limbs and injuries that I could have avoided in turning my head away without a care, just to be treated dishonorably?

Do they not know what I have done? Do they not comprehend they would have died? Cattle to the slaughter?! Or was it, they were looking for such an end, too cowardly to do it on their own... Or was it cowardly anymore in taking your life these days in such a situation we all face?

Sighing, I rose to my feet shifting my right hand to my single blade feeling its cold metal that shed much blood.

I could feel its growing hunger, wanting more, to feast upon the very one meal it so desires, in this revenge that was fruitless.

I would never in my wildest attempts reach that disgusting alien, to bring him down for what he did to this city… to my family...

Suddenly my cold, unemotional heart reacted to that thought; my family wasn't the Shredder's doing… it was mine! I was the one that shattered our lives into small, unrecognizable fragments like some old family photo discarded to the side and I refuse to piece it back together.

Donnie left for I wasn't strong enough as a brother and leader, Raph lashed out at me for I couldn't sympathize with him or try to understand the pain that barrow inside... Then Mikey... I… I walked away from him with my head down in shame, unable to dare go near him or comfort the little brother who pleaded for someone to hold him and tell him it would be okay...

Nothing was remotely fine, nothing would be the same, our lives our... our brotherhood was nothing more then a faded dream.

Then I ask my question yet again why go on?

Shifting my foot to the edge of the building, I closed my eyes, even though open I couldn't see a thing, I wanted to go with them closed, with no regrets.

My heart sadly didn't pound wildly or cared, chipping away by the seconds instead, there was nothing more to it anyways it was on its last leg.

I spread my arms out wide letting the wind flow through me making my jacket; I think was black or was it blue? Either way the color doesn't matter, letting it soar with its new-found freedom. With the other foot, I placed it forward, allowing me to rise to my tippy toes that felt the sharp edges of the crumbling bricks under it.

With my last breath, I held it, savoring it to the bitter end. The fall I knew for sure, would kill me instantly, no suffering in the process. I made sure the debris was hard with enough metal sticking out to end it all.

The height I was at from the ground would do the trick nicely and after this I can finally find peace, escaping the wretched world once and for all!

The wind picked up, and I leaned forward readying to let my body fall, be dominated by gravity.

Then suddenly, startling me to death, that made me actually fall backwards into a pile of dirt as a cloud of dust invaded my lungs, my shell cell went off.

In my confusion, I patted around my jacket, finding the inside pocket that held the device that I swore wasn't working anymore. I only kept it as a reminder of my failures.

Reaching for it quickly, my hands shook over what reason, I wasn't sure. My heart for the first time in ages raced out of control, making the sweat trickle down the back of my neck, as my hands became sticky and wet while I dared to flip the once broken cell open.

I press the answer button nervously, I believe and then waited.

Hearing the nerve racking staticy popping noise coming from its speaker, my heart sank once more, was I imagining it was working?

Licking my dirt cover lips regretting that action considering now I had a nasty taste in my mouth, I choke out a reply, "Hello?"

My hopes rose for a moment again, and I waited for an answer. However, only receiving nothing but dead silence accompanied by that painstaking haunting static which only reminded you that you're alone and there is no one out there that cares about you anymore.

Feeling the reality of my situation coming back to me and how foolish I have become in my years, I shouldn't have allowed my expectations reach to such dangerous levels, since I very well knew it wasn't working.

The bloody phone broke not too long after Donnie had left. It was like it purposely died for Donnie was gone, its own creator, falling victim to a broken heart too.

Frustration filled me as I slammed the shell cell into a wall hearing it explode on impact into thousands of pieces. Was the cosmic joker that cruel to me? Did it have to play such a torturous trick?!

"YES, I WANT HIM BACK!" I roared to the empty street, letting myself fall to my knees, exhausted of this game. I was done, I was at peace with my decision to take my own life, yet I couldn't even have that! Was I to be damned to roam this forsaken earth and my past failures for eternity, until death finally showed me pity and welcomed me with open arms?

Clenching my hands into fists, I slammed them to the ground repeatedly, feeling them bleed by each passing blow.

I wanted to run off this damn building and end it, but what else would haunt me?

What ghost of the past will show its ugly face to remind me I am not allowed to end this!

I am to be like this until I have no breath in my lungs, no more strength in my muscles and my will and mind has snapped and warp to the brink of insanity?!

"Leonardo?" a voice called me as I reacted harshly, in response, taking my blade out, I wielded it towards the throat of the stupid idiot who dared to sneak up upon me in my moment of visible weakness.

His scent became instantly thicken with fear and his voice came out horsy, trembling in his horror, "Don't... don't... kill mee... please.."

"Why should I spare you?" I asked him coldly, grabbing the young man's shoulder that told me he was around sixteen or seventeen years of age.

"April sent me!" the boy yelped from the feeling of the strong grip I had on his shoulders and the blade that was inches away from cutting him down.

"April?" I asked very shocked, stunned to hear her name spoken out with no malice to it; it had been a while someone wasn't cursing her existence, and I haven't been around her or talked to her since Casey's death.

"Yes... yes sir!"

"Why did she send you?" I inquired suspiciously, was this some trick from my enemies?

To get the results I wished to achieve, to figure this little dilemma if this was going to be some trap, I pressed my beak against the boy's nose, so he could tell I wasn't one to play games, and I could get a good whiff of his scent if it did change, "You better give me an honest answer for I can smell any lying that comes from your mouth, boy!"

"Yes... sir... she told me to find you and give you a message," the boy answered quickly then paused, as I growled for he wouldn't just continue and give me the message.

Frustrated that this wasn't going anywhere, I let him go; however, I didn't let my blade down waiting for him to continue, who still didn't say a peep. Becoming annoyed by the seconds that passed by, I bit my lip to prevent myself from taking any further actions that would bring great injury to the boy.

"What is the message?!" I demanded furiously.

"Oh right... She wants you to go to the old lair? Something about Michelangelo wants to talk to you."

Rearing my hand away, I sheathe my blade, complex by this unexpected message. Of all the requests to be asked of me and during the final moments of my life, I truly contemplated that the universe was playing an unforthcoming game with me today.

Walking away, I didn't say a word to the boy, there was no way I was going to confirm I was going or not, just to be on the safe side.

Running over the rooftops I couldn't believe my luck, why was Mike now of all times requesting an audience with me? I thought he hated me and wished to have nothing to do with me!

Was something wrong? What would be so urgent that he got April to send some weak errand boy to find me? How foolish was that from either of them?! The boy could very well have been captured easily and leaked this information out, and sadly he still can...

It would be best I warned Mike and then I will resume my plans, before my so-called shell cell that was left behind can change my mind with another phantom call!

* * *

A half an hour it took me to make my way to the demolish lair that was now a hole in the ground with concrete walls sticking out here and there. To think I use to get the sense of security from this place once upon a time.

Now it was a chamber of horrors and memories I wish to lay to rest.

Approaching the crypt I froze as I swore my ears once again were playing tricks on me.

There was no way that voice was coming from within; there was a snowball's chance in hell that this voice even exists anymore.

Shattering my sanity, I turned away wanting to run, as the voice spoke again being answered by Mike in return. My body trembled as my eyes water like a leaky faucet.

There was just no way!

As he continued speaking with that welcoming tone, the more I wanted to charge in there and tear out the heart of the imposter that was mocking me with his voice!

Turning towards the entrance I went inside only to be greeted by someone else, the gruff voice of one that I never in my life thought I would cross paths again.

"What is he doing here!" Raph growled at me as I could feel his animosity towards me that was mutual.

In response, I walked toward the behemoth in anger, "What am I doing here? What are you doing here?!"

"I wanted you both to be here..." the voice said that wasn't Mike's.

Flashing my head in that direction, my mouth ran dry, and I could tell Raph was in the same state of shock, meaning I wasn't hearing anything this time around.

It was Raph that responded before I could, that confirmed what was running through my head.

"Donnie... DONNIE!" Raph started trembling at first, then to lose it all together.

My heart dropped and I felt weak in my legs, and before I knew it, I felt his arms around me giving me a hug that felt like a dream.

Instantly my mind pleaded to the heavens that this wasn't some delusion, and he was really here!

I could feel his soft skin against mine; I inhaled that diesel oily scent that he had when he has been working on an invention all day and finally decided to merge from his den.

He was really there and no way could this be some illusion I conjured up!

I broke down in those arms, wondering why I ever thought I could just end my life... If that cell didn't go off I would be dead right now and never have the opportunity to be near him again.

I don't know why it went off... but maybe it knew its creator had returned and wanted me to see him again... Either way it doesn't matter, he was back, and perhaps I do have something to live for after all.

_**Fin** _


End file.
